Stannis Baratheon and Arya Stark - they don't meet, but their plotlines do as Melisandre ventures into Arya's world in order to meet Gendry...and then do nasty things to him. Arya is pretty pissed when her captors - The Brotherhood Without Banners - let Gendry go, but they didn't seem so bad overall. Arya disagrees and winds up getting herself into deep trouble yet again!
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Sure, Theon killed a couple of little kids just to save face with his friends, but does he deserve THIS? Ok, maybe he does, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch. We do our best to sum up his Season 3 adventures without making you lose your lunch. It might be a while before we order sausage on our pizzas again, though...
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Somebody's getting married! No, not Edmure Tully. Not yet. Before that joyous occasion, we must first see short-but-fully-adult Tyrion marry the, uh, love of his life: A 14-year-old daughter of the family enemy. Shay isn't happy about the situation, but neither is ANYONE else. Except Joffrey. Joffrey is the happiest we've ever seen him, at least until Edmure Tully's lovely ceremony and reception.
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Robb Stark simply cannot control his urges. First he had the urge to marry the wrong woman, and now he can't suppress his need to behead a dude at the absolute worst possible time. Edmure Tully also couldn't control his urges, and now he has to make up for everyone's screw-ups by marrying a Frey who...is probably hideous?
Meanwhile, Brienne and Jamie meet some seriously rough dudes that cause quite a bit of ... mayhem. We finally hear the true story of The Kingslayer, and most things seem to work out OK in the end, if you don't count all the grizzly bear wounds. Or the aforementioned "mayhem."
And then there's that Qyburn guy... he gives me the creeps!!
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3rd-Season Danaerys finally finds her purpose in life as the Abraham Lincoln of Essos... only instead of issuing Proclamations, she has slavers murdered and/or burned alive. The good news is that she got her army and a couple new badass members for the core team. The bad news is that she still doesn't know how to get to Westeros. You've come a long way, Dany, but it ain't even close to over yet. Also, be sure to enjoy Pretty Daario while he lasts, because he'll be a whole lot scruffier next year... though maybe not enough to give Jorah some peace of mind...
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Season 3 King's Landing has WAY too much going on: Arranged marriages, a sadist king, a manipulative queen-to-be, more arranged marriages, and an old, demonic wizard in a crate. The important thing is that everyone is miserable, because that's what King's Landing is there for! Mind you, this is only half the story... even MORE misery will break out before too long.
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Samwell Tarley isn't much of a ladies' man, but when Gilly's dad takes 15 knives to the back (alongside Sam's boss), they grab Gilly's newborn son and make a break for it. Together they make campfires, sing songs, enjoy a flock of loud crows, find a good use for dragonglass, meet Bran, warn the world, and eventually even get to see Jon Snow again. Also, we forgot to mention it, but Gilly's baby boy is also named Sam. Aren't they all just SO CUTE?
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Brandon Stark makes friends more easily than most. In Season 3, he makes two more new friends in the form of Jojen and Meera Reed, who have sought him out to help him learn more about his fantastical powers. All good things must come to an end, though, and this party grows by two, and then shrinks by two. During this Bran-centric recap, Jeff & Jennifer also ponder the meaning of Rickon Stark... is he also special like Bran, but going unrecognized? Bran can do more than the average Warg, so poor Rickon might just get ignored forever.
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The tale of Jon Snow continues as he tricks his way into Mance Rayder's heart, and then manages to both lifebond with Ygritte AND ditch her all within one short season! Wall climbing is vastly more extreme in Westeros than in our world, and ... Summer shows up out of nowhere? What's up with that? Tune in next episode for the other side of that plot intersection!
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Craster is a godly man, if godly means child-raping rapey rapist. Jon joins the rangers for an adventure... and why did Qhorin Halfhand and the other rangers leave Jon alone with Ygritte? I don't suppose we'll ever have a chance to ask them. First Ygritte wants Jon's bone, and then the Lord of Bones wants Jon... well, dead. Meanwhile, Sam discovers a pile of Deus Ex Machina buried at the Fist of... hey, I see what you did there, George R.R. Martin! Finally, why doesn't Sam get eaten or otherwise murderfied? Jeff makes his best guess - do you think he's right?
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